Pass

As much as I know I shouldn't, I have given myself a pass.  A pass from watching what I eat, from working out, from daily weighing. 

This time of year is hard for me!!!  My hubby is home, it is BBQ season and HOT outside which means I don't want to work up a sweat. 

This past week was definitely NOT the best when it comes to anything healthy.  I drank WAY TOO MUCH pop, snacked more than I should and did not work out a SINGLE DAY.  The lack of working out was partly due to poor planning.  I did not bring workout shoes because I planned on swimming laps but the pool was too cold for me.  I have said in previous posts that I tend to really munch and drink pop when I am at my parent's house...well, I have been at their house all week.

I have decided that although I will be at their house this coming week too and my hubby will still be home with me...that I am gonna be good!!!  I got my workout shoes from my house today and I am gonna workout this week.  I will make better eating choices and drink less pop.  I cannot continue to let myself make excuses to be bad.

I am just glad that for some reason, I was lucky enough to not gain weight during this last week.  Let me explain...I probably did because I had probably lost some when I had the flu.  But from my last weigh in to this week's (which was today)...I was able to keep the same number.  Here is to hoping that I can lose some this week.

Self Sabotage

I confess (to those who don't already know) I am ADDICTED to the Biggest Loser.  I want every week and record it when I will not be home.  I get twitter updates from both Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels.  I follow Ali Vincent on Facebook too.  YES ADDICTED!!!

I love watching the contestants realize what is/has been the reason they have gotten so overweight.  Each season is so motivational in its own way.  I absolutely LOVED the season with Eric Chopin and was amazed/in awe of how much weight he was able to lose.  He looked absolutely incredible and it was so sad to find out that he had gained it all back.  It just shows how much of a life change losing weight is.  It is a life long battle.

I also LOVED the season with Ali!!  She looked incredible at the finale and she continues to make it a life change and I love how she has gone on to inspire so many other people.  I loved her so much that I bought and read her book and it was amazingly inspiring.

Okay now back to the title of the post.  This last week's episode was great.  It was awesome to see Daris complete the marathon in just barely over 4 hours.  I was kinda sad that he finished just over his goal but it was incredible to see how great he had done...especially considering where he was only a couple months before that.  I broke my heart to see him stand up on the scale and see a +2 weight gain in 30 days.  When he pleaded with America to vote him into the final three, it was so sad to hear that he had self sabotage while he was home.  It is an interesting thing...he did great during the day...training for a marathon and eating right.  But at night he would EAT! 

WHY?!?!?!

I have also been known to self sabotage and I cannot figure out why.  I will be doing great with weight loss and I will start eating snacks more, drinking pop, having multiple desserts (after lunch AND dinner and sometimes in between)...I will basically fall off the wagon.  I will be doing GREAT with working out consistently only to start making excuses everyday as to why I can't workout that day.  I have got to get to the  bottom of why I continue to do this or else I will never be able to lose the weight, let alone keep it off once I do. 

??? Any ideas/suggestions on ways to overcome self sabotaging behavior???

GYM ~ UPDATED

I used to absolutely LOVE going to the gym.  That was back in 2002, which was the last time I had a gym membership (besides Curves).  Back in the day, I was a good-looking, in shape chic that got her membership for next to nothing because I flirted it up with the enrollment guy.  (NOT NECESSARILY SOMETHING I AM PROUD OF BUT IT IS THE TRUTH)  I went religiously and would always spend an hour or more there.  I swam laps, did classes, lifted weights and worked out HARD.

Now, I am SSSOOOO NOT in shape and think I might die if I tried to go to the gym and do half the workout I used to.  But that is not the real reason in which I don't want to go to the gym.  What I am about to say is not something that I should care about but I do so here goes: I don't want to be the out-of-shape, fat chic trying to workout.  I know that I will most likely be one of the only ones thinking that but there it is.  I am ashamed of how out of shape I have become and keep telling myself that I will go back to the gym "once I am in shape".  This boils down to image issues.

Now to dive deeper into the reason I have such an image issue.  I used to be the one at the gym judging others while I worked out.  I was not judging in the way you might be imagining.  I never laughed at people that were heavy but I used to feel bad for them.  I used to think it would never happen to me and I felt sorry that they had let themselves get that way.  Now, you might all be thinking, "who are you to judge?"  Trust me, it is not judging in a bad way more as a sympathetic, I wish I could help them kinda way.  Which makes me stop to think, "WHY AM I NOT HELPING MYSELF????"

I wanted to add a little to the post because I feel like I did not explain everything I was thinking.  I do not want to go to the gym because of who I used to be.  I am COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY inspired now when I see people working out and bettering themselves.  Watching the Biggest Loser everyweek, makes me jealous to see how much they are able to do and I am envious that I am not able to workout has hard as they are.  I am humbled now that I have had the chances to walk in "the fat person's shoes" and realize that they need to be admired for working out and NOT felt bad for.  They are doing the right thing for themselves and more often than not need an encouraging word or pat on the back to keep them going.  I do still look at overweight people (myself included) and wonder what got them there...not in a judging type of way but more in a "I hope they can figure it out" kinda way.  I have walked a mile in their shoes and I am can relate now.  I hope this all makes sense.

??? Be honest...When you look at overweight people (working out or not), what thoughts go through your head??  You can leave the comment anonymously if you want.

FLU

I am sorry for the recent lack of posts.  I have had the flu the past couple days and before that, I just hadn't gotten around to it.  I am happy to report from my last post that although I did not get in a second workout, I DID walk to and from the park to playgroup and I drank MORE than the 84 ounces of water.  I have been more mindful of what I eat lately and hope to just continue to make good choices. 

Well while I can't say having the flu was fun, there is definitely an up side.  MY STOMACH IS TOTALLY SHRUNK.  I cannot eat as much as I was before because I did not eat for two days.  I am going to eat smaller portions now so that it stays shrunken.  I also, did not weigh in yesterday morning due to being in bed sick and I decided to wait until tomorrow so the number is a little more accurate.

I will be back later today with a post about my feelings about gyms. (I have had several friends offer to get me a gym pass and I want to come clean about why I have not taken them up on the offer)

Finding Balance

I have had a post on this before but I REALLY struggle with finding balance in my life.  I cannot seem to accomplish everything that I want to each day.  I have been brainstorming alot lately on how to find time to get it all done so that I can feel good when I go to bed at night.  It seems like lately I get in bed exhausted only to lay there thinking of all the things I didn't get done and areas of my life that need improving.

SO...

I have come up with ONE solution.  Unless I feel good about myself and take care of myself, I have nothing left to offer to my husband, daughters or friends.  This means that I will be stepping back from so much social.  I seems like lately I have things in the morning and evening all the time which means there is no time for working out.  I will have to make choices AROUND getting my personal things accomplished.  So if there is playgroup in the morning and nothing in the evening, I will attend and workout at night.  If I have something in the evening, workouts will have to be done in the morning.  I will schedule my workouts FIRST and see where there is extra time for socializing.  I know for me socializing is an important part of who I am so it will still have to be incorporated. 

Plan for today:
*I have two social events planned for today (I have something tonight and playgroup this morning).  I have decided that since playgroup is within walking distance (I usually drive) that I will load the girls up in the stroller and head out.  I am aware that sometimes, I will be not get in the "traditional" workout but my goal is to be more active so this would qualify.
*Depending on how my girls are doing when we get home from playgroup, I will be doing a workout DVD as my "last chance workout" before weigh-in tomorrow morning.
*I plan to drink AT LEAST 84 ounces of water today!!! (16 down, 68 to go)
*Pay attention to what I eat and make healthy choices!

When reading other blogs, I really enjoy posts that include a question to the reader.  I know that I don't have TONS of people that follow my blog (yet) but I am still gonna post a question to you all at the end of my posts.

??? How do you find balance so that you have time to workout?

Wednesday Weigh-in

I weighed in this morning to see a 1/2 pound loss.  I have to say that I am pretty happy about this.  REALLY?!  YES!  Let me explain.  This past Wednesday, I got sick and spent the rest of the week and part of the weekend trying to get better. 

Sick = no workouts completed

I was determined to get back to working out on Monday only to have my littlest up lots during the night and wanting to be held constantly during the day.  Not sure if she is sick or just teething but I am enjoying the extra cuddles. 

Cuddly/needy baby = no workout time

SSOOO...I am excited that I was able to see any loss at all.  I am gonna workout today and really push this week and hopefully see a good loss of the scale next Wednesday.

Speaking of the scale, I AM ADDICTED!!!  I weigh myself almost every morning.  I am trying to decide whether to put up my scale and only bring it out on Wednesday or just leave it out.  I am not really effected by the number every morning (as in it does not make me depressed if it goes up or stays the same) but I think I would really like to just see it once instead of the constant up/same/down.  I think I will go put it up now and see how this week goes without it and then make a decision next week.  I think I am constantly weighing myself because I got to the weight I am without ever stepping on a scale to watch it go up.  I feel in more control knowing what the number is all the time.  I hope to think that if I could have seen the number going up all the time, that I would have stopped and done something about it sooner.  Anyone else weigh themselves often??   

Trigger Food

Lindsay posted about trigger foods today and I started thinking about what would be mine.  Sad to say but I cannot pinpoint one specific thing.  I could say that Pepsi and Dr. Pepper are a trigger.  But so is Peanut M&Ms and peanut butter M&Ms.  So are skittles and twix; chips and salsa or pizza.  I could go on but it is just making me hungry.  For me it is safe to say that I just really like to munch and once I start, it is hard to stop.  If it is out, I mindless grab it and eat.  I also like things that are easily accessible...like M&Ms because there is not a wrapper in the way.  The trick for me so not keep things out on the counter, in a candy dish or in sight.  I have a candy bowl on the top of the fridge but never really remember about it because it is out of sight. 
Anyone have anything that triggers them to eat and not stop???